Over

Goodbye Year 1

Only a month until I officially become a second year, then the trouble all begins again! To be honest I think it's a miracle I've made it this far without having a mental breakdown.
  The exam wasn't to bad yesterday the A&P questions went my way but the maths section I'm sure I've failed but that's something that I can work on a bit more and work harder at. Now it's SO hot in Norwich I don't know what to do with myself I think Norwich weather had Bipolar because it rained for 2 weeks straight now it's about 27 degrees. Still it's a nice way to end the year my room currently looks like it's been hit by a bomb ready for moving back :( I'm sad because I liked this place although it was hugely overpriced and the kitchen was always messy it was still a really nice place to spend my first year away from home !
 For the next 6 weeks I refuse to talk or even think about midwifery, which is much easier said than done. Plus when I'm not doing something midwifery related I'm bored out of my skull because there's nothing to do. I definitely couldn't be unemployed with nothing to do all day I think I'd kill myself!
 I also managed to work out the reason behind the amount I've been able to save... Midwifery = No life and no time meaning that I never had the time to go shopping. Now however I have the whole day hahahah and I got my bursary on Friday so I'm feeling a little spending spree coming on! :)

Hello Norwich shopping !!!

Exam dreams

Woke up this morning in a daze, I'm not sure whether it was the alcohol or just the sheer concentration that has been put into the last few weeks but I had a very odd dream last night that caused me to wake up in a bit of a sweat.

Picture this if you will...

Sitting in an exam room having prepared for 3 weeks solid on midwifery, I open the booklet and read the first and only question worth 50 marks.

The question " A child is in need of it's 5 year vaccination, which vaccinations are recommended and how would they be given?"

Honestly I've never felt so sick in all my life!

Waking up in a hot sweat I was very pleased to see the four walls on my room...

This my friends is what I call a small breakdown. I really would just like the exam tomorrow and to go home and cuddle my ginger puss.

To add to my stress I had arranged my year 1 final interview today. I arrived on time and waited to get started as I wondered over another student barged in having been 30 minutes late for her appointment. I explained to her the rules of you snooze you lose but in a much more polite way and was sure it was her tough luck that she would have to come back in her own time. However, when the lecturer made her way out she ordered me away because apparently the other student was first. Now that may be so. BUT. She had missed her whole appointment and it was now my slot. Apparently though this was my fault and I would need to come back again on Monday when I should really be revising so I can sit for an hour and listen to her drivel.

Wonderful! As you can imagine that was the cherry on top of the cake and I just walked off feeling as if I'd done something wrong.

I'm pretty good at revision

Turns out I'm pretty good at self motivating. I think the fact that the exams are not far off are probably the reason why I'm doing so well. I quite like this DIY attitude, whether I'm actually learning the right things though is anybodies guess. Otherwise, everything else is well and I'm a bit boring really =_=
Placement finished and I don't think i've ever been quite so happy so at least thats a possitive :)

I Just want to Walk Away

Confused, tired and at the end of my tether.

If I could walk away now I damn well would, placement really shows me how far I have to go. At the end of my first year I should feel happy at my success but I don't because in hind sight it feels like nothing, exams are right around the corner and I’m dubious of my own ability to pass them. Placement = hard work, long hours and lots of questioning. I loved the Midwife Led Unit then they moved me to the high-risk delivery suite and I was lost, it's so medical and so not what birth should be like. It definitely made me think that community midwifery is better suited to me, although I didn't know it at the time it was honestly amazing. I am really dreading next year when all the placements I have are on delivery suite :( I can barely manage a month let alone over half my time there next year. It's not hell but it’s close to it!

I have had a few days off which I was supposed to use to do work but instead I decided it was much more fun to rearrange my room, that’s how desperate I was. I put the PRO in Procrastination! One more week left then I get 2 weeks revision time, which means my room, will be immaculate due to the fact that I would much rather avoid work.

Am I nearly there yet?

  Tired is a word that doesn't even come close to how I'm feeling right now. Which is the reason for me ignoring everything other than work, my washing pile is now sky high and my diet has now become anything that I can grab and eat in 5 seconds flat. The short shifts on delivery make it seem like I never leave, it is so different from the MLBU it's ridiculous. I've gone from lovely water births and natural births to seeing every woman with an epidural, CTG and all laying on the bed. Everything I learnt in the first 2 weeks is being scrubbed off for a more high-risk approach. It is sad because women don't understand the possibilities that they have regarding childbirth and how a few metre from delivery to the MLBU can be the difference between natural and medicalised.
  I think many other people in the cohort are suffering and struggling to get their heads round the placement it's supposed to be a low risk normal placement but it's so difficult to get nice normal births. You can't help thinking that maybe doctors and midwives interfere when there is no need to.
  While I am at my rant, I’ve also started to get a bee in my bonnet about pain relief during labour. When it is low risk women cope by mobilising, using water, Paracetamol and a bit of Entonox but when you look at the delivery suite pain relief it's Entonox, Pethidine or epidural! It seriously makes me want to scream! I don't know if it's my mentor who is uncomfortable with women making noise but she is very quick to get in the room and give that woman stronger pain relief even though she may be coping very well.

Rant over :)

Nothing to worry about

After my first day I was left feeling both completely knackered and euphoric, who knew a job was able to make anyone feel like that. I'm so lucky! However, getting up at 5:30 am on a weekend isn't my idea of a good one but if it means I get to do what I do it's all worth it. The team are so lovely and I was Lucky enough to have my first shift with one of the girls from my cohort so when it was quiet we would become little explorers in a HUGE alien world that is the hospital.
Anyway I caught one and that was fairly scary I knew that I was going to be hands on when my mentor asked me what size gloves I wear... That was enough to put me in a mad panic, although I am developing a skill called professionalism, which basically means panic but on the inside and smile on the outside :) that takes a bit of work to perfect!

I must not panic

So University life is near enough over for the time being, which means entering into the labour ward...

The fact that everyone says it will all be fine doesn't really make it any easier, plus having to
get out of bed a 5:30am in the morning doesn't help.
At the minute I would call my preparation for labour ward as panic revision, we've been given a session on newborn resuscitation and a bit around the stages of labour but the rest is still a bit of a blur to me! There's lots of ends that need tying and things that need doing, Thankfully I only have 3 12.5 hour shifts next week which means 4 days off :)

On the brighter side, my plant has decided to go crazy and give me some very pretty purple flowers which is nice, however my little tree isn't looking so fantastic. Not sure what I've done to upset it but it's definitely not happy.

The other day I was thinking that I'm going to have to start taking some things home with me because there is so much crap building up here that I won't be able to get it home all in one go. This is a job I am not looking forward to because it will mean that I will have to have a clear out, which is my least favourite thing to do.

One week left

 One week remaining until labour ward is tackled, I have my first shifts on the low risk ward so I will be able to get some nice low risk births in. I only have to do three shifts a week for the first 2 weeks because they are 12.5 hour shifts so although having 4 days off is lovely I still have to do three night shifts on the trot, I can only imagine my marvellous mood at the end of that.

 The revision process is well underway, the only problem is that as soon as I think I know something they throw something new at me and I’m back to square one. After my little strop about my essay I soon recovered and was back the grind of reading =_=

 This week was lovely we had a 3-day week, which is more than enough and yesterday I was left to my own devices to revise what I fancied. Today we were put through our paces with circulation of the fetus and how it changes. Safe to say my brain almost gave up, never the less I’m really enjoying module 3. It involves a hell of a lot more input that the past two modules but I can understand why.  The fear of labour ward is enough to make anyone study their asses off, so as not to look like a complete idiot when your there.

                                                                                                                   

Ps. Accidentally dyed my hair pink, that should make everyone laugh at home xx

Pass

Found out today that I passed my last assignment, which is good.
However I had to fight back a bit of disappointment as it is a LOT lower than my first graded essay and although I found it harder and spent a lot more time on it, It is still not all that higher grade,  a pass though and that's all I wanted.

Moving on another week crossed off the calender and in 15 days delivery suite is calling- Something else to stress about. The prep that I've done for the placement though is good and having my outcomes to look at means that I kind of know what I'm aiming for.
Revision for exams has commenced and everything is just bobbing along nicely so I refuse to get worked up about the essay score, It's a pass, it's what I needed and I got it. So don't have any reason to complain.

Ps. Father could you please send me a picture of our new pond/swamp, sounds like an interesting project to be starting in the middle of our wettest drought in history.
A picture of ginger puss would be appreciated to :)

Has it only been a week?

  Module 3 hit me like a brick wall. The lessons are long and crammed with things I have to remember for the exams. My brain is currently in a state of shock due to the amount of things that I've been trying to cram into it. The revision guide has been started and already and I feel like I'm writing a book.
 Drug calculations are the next hurdle I have to overcome, to be honest they're not difficult, the problem is as soon as I hear maths the panic button in my brain gets pushed and I'm screwed.
  EBL presentation is coming along nicely and I plan to do a bit more research on the pelvic floor muscle as it's still a bit confusing for me...

Lots to do and not much time to do it in =_=

Hello Module 3!

  Time in my first year at university is rushing by now, it only seems like yesterday when I moved in and began this long journey. It's hard to believe that this is my last term and module as a first year and that next year my role and responsibility changes and expands.  So module 3 started today and it's safe to say the anxiety of something very new and different scared the whole cohort into silence.
  Mod 3 focuses on labour and delivery and there sure is a hell of a lot to learn about it. The fact that there is no essay in this term is brilliant, however there is still the small matter of the exams. Which are just around the corner... Revision has already started and nerves have already made their way nto my subconscious.
  So apart from the fact that every time I think about this module and all the work it entails my stomach tries to leap out of my throat, I'm so excited. This is the module I've been waiting for and the teacher we have for this module is amazing so already I'm hyped for it. 
  Another plus on the scale is that I passed my placement so that's another tick on the Done list. Now it's the dreaded wait until the 5th of May for the essay feedback.
 plus,  last night I swam 2000m beating everyone in my lane (not that I'm competitive or anything) so it's safe to say I'm very proud of myself  :) :)

Trying something new

Master chef :)
Kirstie & I managed to throw together some very nice cup cakes and a coffee cake, safe to say we are very pleased with ourselves :) Cupcakes are rather yummy!
The coffee cake isn't too bad either :)

Back to reality

My last term as a first year has begun and I have the feeling this is going to be the hardest one yet (which makes sense). With Exams, Labour ward and massive amounts of EBL I get the feeling drowning is what it's going to feel like for most of this term. I finished last term  on a fairly neutral feeling . However,  the realisation and shock that I've nearly completed a year is all a little scary.  It's all about to get very hard very quickly, I found out my mentors name for my Labour ward placement and heard positive things about her, but that doesn't make me feel any less nervous. I can feel myself creeping up the roller coaster again and I'm waiting for it to suddenly drop me into the big dark hole of stress and worry. Although, It can't be impossible others have done it before me and they've survived! I can to, I just need to get into the right head space first :) 
After decorating my room during the holidays moving back into my uni room was less fun. I was just getting used to the space.
Swimming is going well and  I managed to swim 1,125m Last night, and I'm hoping to do better tonight although I've been cycling a lot today so I expect I'm going to be useless. anyway EBL presentation work needs doing and it won't do itself so I'm off to fight with it for a bit more. Fun =_=
ps. I hope My GG isn't missing me too much :) x

Ha!

Goodbye cruel and life consuming essay!

 Handed in today and I don't want to ever see it again. As long as it gets over 41% I'll be happy, I must just say a massive thank you to Alice because she is amazing and sorted out my reference list, Without her I would have probably given up and just given it in in it's terrible state.  Time now to enjoy the sun and plan for the next presentation.
Saying that today I had an amazing lecture on mental health and all the care pathways and everything. Which was not only good but also very helpful due to the fact that it is directly related to my part of our EBL presentation. Hooray!

Then this afternoon we had 4 hours of the fathers needs and pretty much service innovation. Which I must say, nearly bored me to tears as the beautiful sun was beaming away outside I was sat in a small dark room talking about how men need to be loved too. Don't get me wrong they do, but talking about it for 4 hours drove all the compassion for men out of me.

Another plus, 2lb gone that's 8lb now so I'm pleased, I will not be a fatty this summer! Although last night while swimming I was beaten by an old, fat lady. I was most perturbed, I'm supposed to be getting better at this swimming malarkey but to be beaten by and old lady is just shameful. I will be back there tonight ready to take her on again! She was amazing though to be honest. She just kept going, I tried this technique and nearly drowned in my enthusiasm and competitiveness. I'm getting back into the swing of swimming again now and I'm starting to enjoy it, maybe it will have to be my pole alternative until I can get back to it.

Anyway The Sims is Calling me :) I can play it now I have no essay to fight with :)!

Sunshine

Instead of enjoying it I'm sat in my room dealing with essay troubles- After Thursday there will be no more essay problems because I'm giving the damn thing in! :)
Lost another 2lb meaning I've lost 6lb in 3 weeks, which isn't to bad really. I also brought my first maxi dress to enjoy this summer :)

Generally the sun puts me in a really good mood. SO even though this essay is still hanging around I'm still able to see the brighter side of life :)

I went to see the new hunger games the other night, Turns out all the hype about it was true. Pretty good film and apparently there is still more to come, Definetly recommend you go and see it.

Just act like you know it...You'll be fine

Turns out you really will!
So after returning home from my home (if that makes sense).  I then had to worry about the small matter of a presentation that I had managed to do nothing on all weekend. This was due to the pushy nature of this essay which demands most of my time and patients. So I basically managed to ignore the fact that I had a presentation until the very last minute.
  One would think the was a fabulous idea, until presentation day comes and you find out that your up a certain creek without a paddle.  
  However, this is where my developing acting skill or blagging skills as I like to call them come in to their own. From my small knowledge base of labour and early signs I was able to keep everybody entertain and amused without making myself out to look like an incompetent idiot. I have to say I felt like I'd cheated a bit as others had done lots of pre-reading. Where as lazy old me just turned up, tried to remember the distant memory of labour from placement and just go with the flow...

No one was any the wiser!

That my friends is what I would call that a success!

Dear Room

Dear Room,

I'm very sorry for the neglect that you have had to suffer in the last few months...The thing is I'm a busy lady now and it's all for a very good reason. This weekend I promise I'll tidy up :)

Much love Amy :)

Moving on- Diet going well another 2lb lost, I also went swimming today and really enjoyed it, definitely going to get out there and do it more often. Plus it's a nice excuse to stare at all the near naked attractive men by the pool!

Essay looking better, DOS appointment made for tomorrow and then all day to do it :)
Going home tomorrow so Ginger puss I'll be  ready for a big cuddle :) I'm actually very excited about going home and seeing people from work, just to see what everyone else is doing really.

A Little Bit of Happy

So Tonight I needed cheering up after essay issues,
 My wonderful flatmat Alice therefore showed me this wonderful video that made me much happier :

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99: Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blind side you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

After this I feel much better Thank You Alice :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

Square 1

So here I am again, essay panic writing sets in. It seems when it comes to essays there is a block and I end up back to stressed, swearing and shouting at my computer. So when I sent off my essay to my AA the other week I prayed for just a little bit of compassion. I didn't get it. She tore the damn thing to shreds which I knew she would. So here I am again procrastinating and avoiding the unavoidable. Really I should be productive, Proactive and strive to improve this shitty piece of work but at the moment I'd rather die than try and read it again. Safe to say an emergency meeting with DOS to sort it out is needed.
Placement is over now and that means that everything for placement is wrapped up and passed, one thing crossed off my to do list at least.

Going home next weekend to harass the Ginger puss and family, they've probably forgotten who I am by now, Not a single phone call from home for 2 months...Terrible!

Still I'm sure if my Ginger puss could talk he'd call me, I don't get excited about going home until it's actually been decided for definite, So not to excited about that :)  It also turns out that March is an expensive time due to 1.Sisters birthday 2.Mothers Day 3. Nan's birthday and 4. Grandads birthday.

On the plus Side I lost 2lb this week, Not much but a start...Fatty will slim down (eventually!).

Feeling Lazy

As you can tell from my 1 a week blog, I'm feeling a bit lazy. To be honest I didn't do a single thing this weekend apart from sleep, I have a night shift tonight which is why I feel it's justified but never the less I'm still feeling rather lazy. I'm also on day 3 of my diet today because I'm a fatty who has an uncontrollable eating habit when I'm on placement so I'm trying my best to eat healthily, I swear if i see another piece of fruit or vegetable I may hurl. On this evenings menu was green beans, peppers, broccoli, carrots, low fat cream cheese with chive and 100g of chips. For anyone who's ever measured a 100g of chips you will know how small that is.  Safe to say I was less then impressed, I've eaten more fruit and veg in the last 3 days than I have eaten in my entire life. Anyway I finished my last shift with my mentor on Friday but on Thursday I had the nicest home birth so far, lovely girl, lovely family and just generally a very good vibe. It was her first baby and so it's unusual for a primip (First time mum) to go for a home birth. However, she behaved nothing like a first time mum, she was calm and relaxed and just got on with it. Normally with primps as soon as there in the first stage all hell breaks loose and I want to stand in the corner and pretend I'm invisible. at this home birth is was a completely different story.  The lady was so relaxed though and she had the pool set up in her front room with the light streaming down through the windows it was, just a very chilled and very nice enviorment. I definitely did a few page reflection for that one and it was nice to see how my mentor dealt with ladies in labour. I can definitely see drastically different ways of practising when it comes to labour and it was just nice to see another way to guide women. Even though she didn't need any guidance really, she was quite happy to just do the whole thing in her own time :) But anyway the night shift is calling and I'm going to need to do something to wake myself up :) Nightt xx