I Just want to Walk Away

Confused, tired and at the end of my tether.

If I could walk away now I damn well would, placement really shows me how far I have to go. At the end of my first year I should feel happy at my success but I don't because in hind sight it feels like nothing, exams are right around the corner and I’m dubious of my own ability to pass them. Placement = hard work, long hours and lots of questioning. I loved the Midwife Led Unit then they moved me to the high-risk delivery suite and I was lost, it's so medical and so not what birth should be like. It definitely made me think that community midwifery is better suited to me, although I didn't know it at the time it was honestly amazing. I am really dreading next year when all the placements I have are on delivery suite :( I can barely manage a month let alone over half my time there next year. It's not hell but it’s close to it!

I have had a few days off which I was supposed to use to do work but instead I decided it was much more fun to rearrange my room, that’s how desperate I was. I put the PRO in Procrastination! One more week left then I get 2 weeks revision time, which means my room, will be immaculate due to the fact that I would much rather avoid work.